It’s almost Christmas and it doesn’t feel like it at all to me, part of me just wishes I could just sleep through the entire winter. Jae and Chaplin convinced me to hang out again (another December 22nd spent as a third wheel) but I know the conversation will be much worse than last year’s, where instead of then trying to convince me that you’ll be back, or that we’ll be together again before I know it, they’ll say things like how I need to move on and continue with my life; I’m not sure if I actually want to. Maybe it’s because I’ve been on and off my meds again, it’s just that I know that when I’m on them I’m numb to the sadness, but I know it’s still there, when I’m off them I still feel it as much as I could still feel you. It’s like the meds numb how sad I am that you’re not here anymore and that itself upsets me as if they’re trying to numb how much I miss you, or numb how you’re never coming back. Maybe everybody is right and I should try to move forward, but I don’t know what to do, or where to go without you; you were my future plans, I was going to move to Seoul and we were going to both get jobs we didn’t really like, but we would shrug them off together. Like I said it’s almost Christmas, you loved this time of year, you said NYC was like a completely different world this time of year; one like what all the great Christmas songs were about. You were always so hopeful. I know it’s absolutely pointless to say it, but if I could have one Christmas wish it would be you; to have you back, to have you right here, to have you stay, to never have had to say goodbye. You would be my only Christmas wish.
Hi!
For all things Pat Byrnes don't forget to follow me on my social media accounts.