YEPITSPAT / Pat Byrnes


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Is this what it feels like with my wings clipped

I feel like I get more and more lost each day. As often as I can I try to go out and do the things that used to bring me comfort and less and less they bring me any joy. The fact that I don't know where or when I got lost makes it really hard to retrace and remedy my mistakes. Perhaps I've always been lost. Our memories are so unreliable, looking back it feels as if there was a time I wasn't lost or alone. Like I said, our memories are unreliable, even though part of me remembers something one way, another part remembers it a different way. How am I to know which way is the correct way? If I believe one way I had times of pure happiness, the other I've been like this my entire life. That thought terrifies me, if I've been like this all along. To make things worse either situation makes sense, but if I've been like this all along what past do I have that's worth clinging to or building on? I've spent years chasing what could be faulty memories of when I was happier. Is this how it's supposed to be? Is this the real me? Perhaps I've been dreaming too long. Always thinking that I was meant for something more. That with enough time and effort I could actually be something more. What makes me think I can catch up to or even chase my dreams? Only young rich kids have the privilege of having their dreams come true, and I am neither.  In reality I have more in common with the homeless bums I share my lunch with and give the little I have in my pocket to. In actuality I'm not too far from being them myself. I am one more bad episode from being there. Should I even bother anymore?I've tried living with a positive attitude, God how I've tried, but at the end of the day all I'm positive about are my doubts. 

That's all for now. Until next time. 


On Life